we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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