Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
