guys are not supposed to queef...right?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
