I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
