I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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