Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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