Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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