Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
