my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
