gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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