dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
