summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
