haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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