Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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