In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize