are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
