theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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