my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I don't think brook has ever known best
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
