Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
