If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
