he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize