I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize