i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
