I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
