dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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