dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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