Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Randomize
