The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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