You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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