i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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