well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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