Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize