Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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