Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
