dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
