not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
