I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
