Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm just crazy horny about you
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
