I seem to have left my pride at pride
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
