i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
