They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize