i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
