Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
