Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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