I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
