also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
