Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize