Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
