And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
