I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
