Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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