i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
