Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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