the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
