Me. At least after what I've been through.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
