dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
