So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
