I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
