it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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