Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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