I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
