take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
