I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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