Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
