Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
