I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
