I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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