you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
