OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
