Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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