No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize