OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
