i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
