currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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