I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
