I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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