I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I have already put on my inside pants.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
